Winning the daily battles of life means we need to quit being soft with what resists us and enter the dog fight, and that means being ferocious, or as I’ve been saying this week, “creating density to your intensity.”
Creating density means doing things that affect us more deeply much the same as the bodybuilder lifts very heavy weight to stimulate more muscle fibers at a deeper level. This creates a thickness that really helps him or her stand out.
We must improve our technique of self-control, which means controlling our reactions, and that’s a tough one.
Most of us live more by reaction than deliberate action. We respond to situations out of our emotions with little consideration of the consequences or outcome.
The goal should be to create our behaviors beforehand in order to achieve predetermined outcomes.
This means you need a mission statement of sorts when it comes to other people whether family member, friend, co-worker, employer, or even a stranger.
What’s the main thing I want to have happen as a result of my interaction with these people?
* Do I want to leave them inspired?
* Do I want to put them down so I can be elevated?
* Do I want to make them feel stupid?
* Do I want to intimidate them?
Let these things determine the way you react to people. That’s why I can have people following me from all over the political and social spectrum. My goal is to win and influence people, and my going off on things is sure to alienate people for the wrong reasons. Sometimes, yes, you have to make a stand regardless of who it offends, but fighting on Facebook over politics, for example, is not a hill that you or I should want to die on.
Lastly, there’s self-discipline, which is different than self-control. Self-discipline is about getting yourself to do those things you need to do when you don’t feel like doing them.
In short, self-discipline is created in one of two ways:
1. You’re disciplined by the threat of punishment.
2. You’re disciplined by the offer of reward.
The military will discipline you by the threat of punishment. If you don’t make your bed and pass inspection, you’ll be doing push ups and cleaning latrines.
Parents can sometimes create discipline by reward. If you do your chores, you’ll get an allowance. If you graduate with honors, they’ll buy you a car.
I find that when it comes to self-discipline, the best way is to create by reward, and that means constantly reminding yourself of what you get if you do those things you need to do when you don’t feel like doing them.