One of the most empowering feelings you’ll ever experience is that of control, and control is when you are consistently directing your personal behavior and the events of your own life. It’s when you stop living as if “life is happening to you” and you start “making life happen.”
Try and count the cost of how much your mind and emotions are handicapped when you don’t think you have any control over how you behave or the events of your life. Then try to think about the way it must feel when you do have that sense of control. Imagine how your life experience could be when you’re always feeling that sense of personal power.
What Are You Tolerating?
I’m often asked, “C. J., how do I deal with my situation?,” and what follows is the description of circumstances that are never as bad as the person makes them out to be. What they’re asking is “How do I tolerate the circumstances I don’t like?”
Toleration is when you allow, accept, and subject yourself to something negative. It’s a state of mind that you embrace as your way of dealing with what you don’t like.
Granted, there are many situations that we cannot change such as certain diseases or physical handicaps, but even then, we can still live in such a way that we experience the power of personal control.
The Stronger You Become, The Less You’re Affected
The issue is not you learning “how to deal with it,” because that will only cause you more stress. Your focus should be on personal development—making a stronger you—because the stronger you become, the less you allow negative circumstances to affect you.
For example, if you’re living with a problem child, a negative job situation, or a spouse that’s driving you up the wall, then you’re going to make your stress worse if you focus only on “dealing with it.”
However, let’s say that instead of “dealing with it,” you start hitting the gym, eating right, and taking classes on a subject you always wanted to learn. Let’s say that instead of tolerating “what’s happening to you,” you start “making your life happen.”
Focus on Personal Development
By focusing on personal development, instead of tolerating your life, you are strengthening your sense of control. What soon develops is a personal intolerance where those around you become intimidated by the example you’re living and the new ways you’re expressing yourself.
In other words, those closest to you (friends, family, employers, co-workers) will continue to oppress you so long as they see that it controls you. But once you start losing weight, building muscle, feeling healthy, and strengthening your mind, they start realizing their dominance over you is over.
Then you’ll begin to see the fear in their eyes, and that will empower you even more. A power shift will happen without you even trying. By simply focusing on developing yourself, you will strengthen your ability to resist and reject the negative circumstances and people that once controlled the way you felt.
The answer you’re looking for is in building a solid foundation of personal power and life control that only comes by personal development. Can you dig it?
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