One of the most empowering feelings you’ll ever experience is that of control, and control is when you are consistently directing your personal behavior and the events of your own life. It’s when you stop living as if “life is happening to you” and you start “making life happen.”

Try and count the cost of how much your mind and emotions are handicapped when you don’t think you have any control over how you behave or the events of your life. Then try to think about the way it must feel when you do have that sense of control. Imagine how your life experience could be when you’re always feeling that sense of personal power.

What Are You Tolerating?

I’m often asked, “C. J., how do I deal with my situation?,” and what follows is the description of circumstances that are never as bad as the person makes them out to be. What they’re asking is “How do I tolerate the circumstances I don’t like?”

Toleration is when you allow, accept, and subject yourself to something negative. It’s a state of mind that you embrace as your way of dealing with what you don’t like.

Granted, there are many situations that we cannot change such as certain diseases or physical handicaps, but even then, we can still live in such a way that we experience the power of personal control.

The Stronger You Become, The Less You’re Affected

The issue is not you learning “how to deal with it,” because that will only cause you more stress. Your focus should be on personal development—making a stronger you—because the stronger you become, the less you allow negative circumstances to affect you.

For example, if you’re living with a problem child, a negative job situation, or a spouse that’s driving you up the wall, then you’re going to make your stress worse if you focus only on “dealing with it.”

However, let’s say that instead of “dealing with it,” you start hitting the gym, eating right, and taking classes on a subject you always wanted to learn. Let’s say that instead of tolerating “what’s happening to you,” you start “making your life happen.”

Focus on Personal Development

By focusing on personal development, instead of tolerating your life, you are strengthening your sense of control. What soon develops is a personal intolerance where those around you become intimidated by the example you’re living and the new ways you’re expressing yourself.

In other words, those closest to you (friends, family, employers, co-workers) will continue to oppress you so long as they see that it controls you. But once you start losing weight, building muscle, feeling healthy, and strengthening your mind, they start realizing their dominance over you is over.

Then you’ll begin to see the fear in their eyes, and that will empower you even more. A power shift will happen without you even trying. By simply focusing on developing yourself, you will strengthen your ability to resist and reject the negative circumstances and people that once controlled the way you felt.

The answer you’re looking for is in building a solid foundation of personal power and life control that only comes by personal development. Can you dig it?

Does this article describe you? If so, tell me how in the comments below.
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C. J. Ortiz
C. J. Ortiz

My mission is to help equip people to maximize their resources for a purpose greater than themselves. That's what my own mentors and teachers have done for me, and I'm paying it forward. Life can be merciless, and the world can be a messed up place, so what's needed is a stronger people that can both endure and overcome in life. My motto is, "In whatever you do, don't suck! Metal up!"

Leave a comment! Let me hear from you!

    17 replies to "How to Feel Great When Life Sucks"

    • Matt R

      Losing weight and building muscle is a relatively easy way to trigger positive responses in people. Other life changes are more difficult but I’m working on it.

    • Matt, health and fitness are the foundation to changing the more difficult areas. I cover that in the following post http://bit.ly/KqpYrT

    • Ethan Kincaid

      The particulars would take too long for this box, but yeah. Came out to my real conservative parents years ago. They weren’t having any of that so I tiptoed around their delicate little feelings while I waited for them to come around, be willing to talk about stuff at least. Turns out, hey that doesn’t work! I realized, wtf I could be happy right now! So I married the person of my dreams, threw out my unreasonable expectations and started chugging away at the career I always wanted that they told me I could “never make a living off of.” None of that was easy but gawddamn it was satisfying. Four years later, there they are, hat in hand begging for my attention like some kind of puppy. Mhum, yeah. Just a sec, I got about twenty things to do first.

    • Matt R

      I definitely agree. As I’ve gotten into better shape I feel more motivated and more confident in all walks of life.

    • Cooly

      I was about to write, “Yeah but you didn’t deal with the ‘spouse that’s driving you up the wall’ scenario’ ” . But no, you nailed. When people see you as weak, then they turn on you. Surprising that this sh*t happens in a marriage … but I guess I’m learning.

    • Andreas

      Isn’t it excitement the people nourdays seek the most a wrong approach?Even the Word Excitement “Excite”.
      ” Caffeine and Sugar , both Excite The Nervous System”
      In a Society that heavily taxes man with weird prejudices,lifestyle,media and fashions ways to dress by.
      All have a “Drug like effect” on us, haven’t we ever really wondered why we felt screwed in the first place?
      Listen up, Society unfortunately is made up of people.
      Even the heads of society are people
      People’s main drive Is Power and the satisfaction of their appetites.
      So there is no honour in tolerating with people who impose power over you in any form. It’s maneuvers and manipulations that they use against us to obtain power and satisfy their appetites that is what they truly want and i firmly support that theres nothing spiritual in contenting with them.
      Not all people use manipulations but just enough to screw things up!
      Just see things for what they are with Intense Realism metal the hell up! Contenting with Maniacs! What are we doing to ourselves really?
      Promise to yourselves that the days you or anybody who contented with such bastards in their lives are over! No more them in your life time here and not in the next!

    • Jennifer Housewright

      Metal Motivation has helped me to transform my life. You have made me realize that is all abut inner focus and instead of desparing over how shitty my life is I should be constantly and actively engaged in MAKING life happn for me instead of watching it pass me by. For years I was the drll boring housewife type never wanted to be. hated my job, my look, my relationships and I as miserable. Once I metaled up became appier and more in contro than I have in years! Sre my family and friends were surprised when I started going to concerts, getting my old crappy tattoos covered and adding new ones, working out, losing weight and being much more outspoken aout crap at work that was bothering me. Whats more I have finally come up with a plan for happiness for my life when my kids are grown which includes traveling and living the kind of life I alway longed for but never thought I coul have. All becaue I have focused on harnessing the power of my mind and stopped letting otherd define who I should be.

    • LOL! Awesome!

    • Excellent, Jennifer.

    • Good words, Andreas. Thanks.

    • Cooly, you’re so right.

    • Hridesh Raj

      Thanks man, This is such a motivation for me, tonight and the time that will follow.

    • Mariliz alias Coach Destiny

      Well said!!! Taking crap is against My religion!!! Even from myself!!!

    • Jaime.TAL

      long story short, I just came back home (Chile) after living 6 years undocumented in Berlin, which was a period of great self growth and constant struggle, and this ride took from perform in the very Wacken open air , to meet the partner in crime of my life. Sadly, we took the decision to leave the place because there was no signs of real development due to the cultural and economical barriers ocurring nowadays in Europe. And we left with nothing and on separate ways (she is from South Africa). Now I’m back in this very narrow minded society in Chile, but I HAVE to make things work for me and my woman, so she can come to me ASAP.
      More of your advices are very well know to me, but our nature lead us easily to forget. Thanx you for remind me all these things. I will continue with my music, my art, my journey as the way I planned it. Metal Motivator is my Life Coach! Life is Brutal, so be Brutal +

    • C. J. - The Metal Motivator

      You’re welcome, brother.

    • WiseMetalChica

      Personal Development – a VERY powerful weapon! Thanks C.J. :)

    • C. J. - The Metal Motivator

      Indeed! You’re welcome.

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